Saturday, October 20, 2007

Today was not much better than last night. Tom and I were still at each other’s throats all morning. I decided I needed a new attitude and asked Tom to lead worship for us and prayed that God would give me a change of heart. The Lord showed up and I was broken. I was feeling so tired and “done” and praying for God to help me and show me what to do. I told Him “I can’t keep going on this way, working all these hours and trying to do so much ministry as well.” Then, within a couple of seconds, He replayed in my mind the word he gave to my friend and said: “I have already told you what you need to do”, and then I thought of the reasons why I haven’t quit my job and it was because of the money and the benefits, so I said to the Lord, "but I am the only income" and he said “I am your provider”! And I said, “but I am the only one with health benefits!” and He said, “I am your healer!” Then I heard the word “GO”!! I was so overwhelmed with relief, release, freedom and happiness all I could do was cry!! What an amazing feeling this was… To step out in faith and to trust my Lord and Savior and KNOW that HE will provide. All I can say is WOW!! I felt like a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders!!

As a side note, right after my wonderful prayer time and word from the Lord, I checked my emails real quick and got this note from a woman in the Womanade group:

Hello Amiga Linda. Linda, you know Linda Means in Spanish Pretty, beautiful, any way you are….

Always your Amiga, M

I just thought this was interesting timing since my friends husband had mentioned this same thing to me on Thursday!! Wow, Lord. Thank you!

After that release from my job I would have thought that Tom and I would have been doing better but we were still having difficulty and bickering at each other. Then, about an hour before friends showed up for her birthday dinner, Tom lost it and threw his water bottle on the floor and stormed out. I had told him earlier that I knew I wasn’t behaving very well and apologized but that there seemed to be more going on with him and I wasn’t going to take responsibility for what wasn’t mine. When he came back he apologized and confessed that he had been feeling all of his old buttons being pushed again, like, if everything goes to Hell in a hand basket, everyone would be looking at him, and he would be responsible for everything going wrong… He again felt like a looser and a failure and that nothing he was doing was right and that everyone was looking at him like he was crazy and a failure… The good news it that the anger and tension was released and we were restored before our guests arrived.

We did share our news with them and they prayed for us and supported us in our crazy endeavors!! :) They are such good friends!